Understanding what envy is really trying to tell you
I know we’ve all had those moments when a writer we know lands another book deal, gets shortlisted for an award, wins a residency or celebrates a creative achievement, and we are publicly cheering them on while privately feeling something else.
Jealousy
Maybe you’ve been (doom) scrolling through social media, see someone sharing exciting news and click the heart because you genuinely are happy for them, but underneath that happiness, another feeling appears.
That tiny voice inside says: Why not me?
Jealousy is one of the hardest emotions for creatives to admit to because it makes us uncomfortable. We want to be generous. We want to celebrate each other. We want to be the person who can wholeheartedly cheer someone else on.
So when jealousy turns up, we often judge ourselves before we’ve even stopped to understand what it is trying to tell us.
In last month’s Mindset Insight, I explored why our brains compare us to other people. This month I’m taking that one step further, because comparison often leaves us with another uncomfortable feeling: jealousy.
The interesting thing is that jealousy isn’t necessarily telling you that you’re ungenerous or that you don’t support other creatives. Often, it’s turning up because whatever you’re reacting to is something you care about deeply. When we get curious about that feeling, it can reveal a lot about what we value, what we desire and where our own creative work might need our attention.
When jealousy is actually telling you something
When someone else achieves something we’ve dreamed about, it’s easy to make it about them.
- Why did they get that opportunity?
- Why are they further ahead?
- Why hasn’t it happened for me?
But a more useful question might be: What exactly am I jealous of?
- Is it the book deal, or the courage it took to finish the manuscript?
- Is it the award, or the confidence to put their work forward?
- Is it the residency, or the time and space they created for their creativity?
Often, jealousy is pointing towards something we deeply value.
Sometimes, what we think is jealousy is actually grief.
- Grief for unfinished projects.
- Grief for creative dreams we’ve put aside.
- Grief for the version of ourselves we thought we would have become by now.
When another creative reaches a milestone we’ve long wanted, those feelings can rise to the surface. And perhaps the message isn’t that we have failed. Perhaps it’s that the dream still matters.
Want to explore this further?
Inside the full Mindset Insight article on Substack, you’ll discover:
- why jealousy feels so uncomfortable for creative people
- why creative jealousy is often connected to desire rather than negativity
- how to tell the difference between admiration, comparison and envy
- what your jealousy may be revealing about your own creative goals
- practical exercises to help you move from frustration back into your own creative work
Creative jealousy does not mean you are failing or that you are not generous enough. Sometimes it is simply showing you something that matters.
Read the full Mindset Insight on Substack to explore what your creative jealousy may be trying to tell you, and how you can use that insight to reconnect with your own creative path.
x Meg
PS: Want more support?
I’m here if you need help. You can explore the Start Here page to find the ways I provide support for creatives from free articles to monthly creative mindset masterclasses, paid memberships and retreats. My Momentum memberships are a great way to get regular support you.
